I am always in awe when I see two set of parents, no longer together, that can be friends.
You always want what you can’t have, and for me, this is most definitely something I strive for.
Even if it’s only a “you are doing a good job in my eyes”, or “Landyn is okay, feel free to call her whenever”, or “I noticed she is having a hard time, let’s talk about that”.
Basic communication and respect as her parents. Seems painless right?
When I sit down and think about my expectations for my co-parenting relationship, I realize it will always be a revolving door. You see, it would be so easy to keep things black and white. But divorce is so far from that. Divorce is a million shades of grey. There are good days and bad. Peace and anger. Influences you have no control of. I’ve hurt and been hurt. We are human. But the reality is, we both found happiness on the other side of it all at Landyn’s expense. That’s the part that gets me.
All I know is every other weekend I send my girl off to her Dad’s, my entire world becomes void. Is she ok? Did she eat lunch and get to bed on time? Is she happy or sad? Does she miss me as much as I miss her? My heart skips beats and my breathing gets heavy. The entire situation consumes my existence. I feel like I’m being robbed of being a mom 100% of the time. It’s not what I signed up for.
Chris and I have had a few good conversations over the years. The ones that I leave feeling full and good about our role as parents. But every time, the 50 million shades of grey get in the way. And I am left disappointed for my baby girl.
Landyn’s dress c/o Elk Dresses // headband c/o Vintage Rose Wraps // sandals: Target
I struggle with these raw posts. Every time I write them, I feel like I have to hold back so much. This is a day by day situation and I am really doing my best without letting it completely consume my life. I hope one day the revolving doors will bring me more clarity. In the meantime I have so much to be grateful for, as this is only a slice of my reality. Landyn and I have a beautiful life that we would not have been given otherwise. My girl is strong, and confident, and funny, and loving. She’s creative and wise beyond her years. She has two families that love her very much and that is something that will never be compromised.
I challenge you to hug a single parent today. Hands down the hardest job out there. All YOU rocking it are my heros. xo
Christen Dobbs says07.08.14 at 4:00 pm
I love these posts… My boyfriend has this situation with his ex-wife and it is a horrible mess. My heart hurts so bad for his son cause I love that little boy so much! Co-parenting is definitely not easy.
Lindsay says07.09.14 at 8:31 am
Thank you so much Christen! That means a lot and comments like yours, keeps me posting. No co parenting situation is easy. I SO feel for everyone involved. xoxo
Shirley says07.08.14 at 11:40 pm
Love this post, as she gets older she will make many decisions that may not be what you want it to be and you will love her unconditional. Till then just go with what ever works to make that sweet little girl happy. She understands more then we know in that cute little mind. Even if Chris doesn’t understand you just want to make peace and Landyn will love you more if she knows you are trying to work things out.
Lindsay says07.09.14 at 8:31 am
Thank you for your sweet comments Shirley. They mean so much.
Madaline says07.09.14 at 4:57 am
I love this post. And I am going to forward it to my new BIL. He is amazing, and I’ve even met his ex-wife (NOT amazing, and she even lost custody for a long time), it KILLS me that their two kids are so caught in the middle of their selfishness. The kids aren’t allowed to take shoes, clothes, dolls, nothing between houses. It kills me. That being said I’ve met some AMAZING co parent’ers and I know it must be the hardest thing ever for them to step out of their own needs/desires and to 100% think of what’s best for the kid. Which I think is a universal parent problem …
Lindsay says07.09.14 at 8:32 am
That is so hard Madaline. I feel for all parties. And I couldnt agree more. Selfishness gets in the way more times than not. We always have to keep those sweet littles as #1. xo
Lindsay says07.11.14 at 6:56 am
Lindsay I loved this post. I know that sharing the real and raw is so tough but even by you sharing and explaining how you feel shows what a loving and caring mom you are. Landyn is very lucky to have you and I have no doubt she misses her momma like crazy when she is away. xo
Lindsay says07.22.14 at 1:09 pm
Thanks Linds. I appreciate that so much! xo
Dani @ Me and My "new" Life says07.16.14 at 9:39 pm
“All I know is every other weekend I send my girl off to her Dad’s, my entire world becomes void. Is she ok? Did she eat lunch and get to bed on time? Is she happy or sad? Does she miss me as much as I miss her? My heart skips beats and my breathing gets heavy. The entire situation consumes my existence. I feel like I’m being robbed of being a mom 100% of the time. It’s not what I signed up for.”
GOOD LORD Woman…..you must be in my HEAD! This is me. My life….insane. I love you! Can’t WAIT to see you!!!
Tawnya Faust says07.18.14 at 1:43 pm
I love this post! Thank you for being so open and honest. My parents divorced when I was 15 and never made it work co-parenting. I think the most important thing is that you are trying to make it work. You seem like a wonderful mom and your daughter looks so happy! I have such a great respect for single parents, you are all super hero’s in my books!
Stopping by from the link up!
Lindsay says07.22.14 at 1:10 pm
Thank you so much Tawnya. As a kid of divorced parents I give you props. It’s not easy especially when they cant get along. Thanks so much for your sweet words. xo
Missy says07.22.14 at 9:15 am
Oh My Word! Where has your blog been the past 5 years? I feel like you just stole the words right out of my head. I hear every.single.word you have said. This coparenting thing is TOUGH! And it is all at the expense of an innocent little one. The fact that you are aware is HUGE. That alone means you are on the right track. And someday that sweet little girl will know she had a Mom who loved her so much that she was willing to try. To try even when it hurt. Carry on Warrior!
Lindsay says07.22.14 at 1:11 pm
Hi Missy. Thanks so much for stopping by. Love meeting new friends. Thank you so much for your support. It means more than you know.