I am a worrier by nature. If you know me personally or have followed my journey here for some time, you’d know that I have an anxious heart. I tend to take things to the worst case scenerio and work myself up over little things. I am a total work in progress you guys…
A few month back I felt a lump in my right boob. Me doing what I do best, I ran to my doctor. She examined me and called it fiber cystic breasts and told me to cut back on my caffeine. While I truly trust my doctor with my life, every time I go in there for something, I assume the worst. Even though she was not concerned one bit, in the back of my mind I couldn’t get cancer out of my mind. Every time someone would hug me, or I’d hit my chest against something, I would be reminded, and my mind would shift into overdrive. The lump would get bigger around my monthly cycle, and then go back down. I was told this is a good sign but my mind wouldn’t back down.
Why can’t I just trust the process? Why do I try to diagnose myself? Why can’t I just trust my doctors?
I may never have the answers to those questions. But having dealt with anxiety a good majority of my life, I can tell you that peace of mind is a beautiful thing. If you can find it, DO IT. I don’t care what it costs.
The American Cancer Society recommends women get yearly mammograms starting at age 40. But with my doctors approval and some family history, I went in and got an ultrasound AND mammogram. You guys that whole “get your boobs squished” phrase is NO JOKE. I most definitely was the youngest gal in there, and people definitely asked “why are you here”. I got an appointment, exam, and results all within two hours. I know this isn’t the norm, so thank GOD for good health care and a few great connections.
All is good. I am completely clear. My doctor was right as always. My mind is at ease.
The reality is, my anxiety has shifted into overdrive since becoming a single mom. It’s all me all the time. Many days I want to just focus on being a mom, not worry about bills getting paid or growing a business. It’s reality though. Knowing how much Landyn depends on me is overwhelming at times. I ask myself what she would do without me. It’s one of my greatest fears.
photos: Bows and Arrow Photography
And the thing is, I have it so good. I have so many things to be thankful for. I’m sure there is another mom sitting out there that is really struggling. Maybe she has no dad involved or has to work two jobs to get by. Maybe her husband lost his job and isn’t sure how they will feed their family.
I thank God for my blessings everyday. My beautiful home. My supportive boyfriend who supports my dreams and picks up so much of the slack. My health. My parents that are my backbone. My beautiful daughter that reminds me everyday of my purpose in life. Getting to have this space that helps to support my family as a single mom.
We are all fighting a hard battle. I think the older I get the more I see everyday as a gift. And for me, being proactive in my health is one thing I truly believe in. I’d rather hear the “I told you so’s”, then have to loose sleep worrying.
One of the things I am really working on, is learning to put my oxygen mask on first. As mom’s we are so inclined to meet our child’s needs first when it should be the complete opposite. Healthy momma means healthy child. When in doubt, always go the safe route.
Thank you for following my journey and always letting me open my heart to you on this blog.
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