If you haven’t read part I, start here.
They say time heals. With every passing day, with every tick of that clock, wounds heal, and happy falls into place. Rewind to December 2011, and I wouldn’t have believed you. I was in the beginning stages of a divorce and certain I would never make it out alive. I felt emotions I’ve never felt. Pain I never knew. I lived for the moment and felt like I was drowning.
I would be lying if I told you the past six months have been easy. The reality is that we are all writing our stories, and have choices in life. We can let the pain swallow us alive, or we can let it fuel us and turn our negative circumstances into triumph. I have decided to take the latter.
I wasn’t always so optimistic though. Initially, I beat myself up over where I went wrong. I took all the blame. I bargained with him and myself. I isolated myself from the world. I sought counseling and entrusted in the advice of family and friends, because it seemed like the natural thing to do. I was being ripped in a million different directions and at the mercy of everyone but myself. The pain I felt during this time is truly indescribable, and will resonate with me for the rest of my days. In no way do I ever wish to put myself, or my child(ren) in such chaos again. In no way will I ever cut myself short or go into a marriage without having my whole heart in it for the long haul.
It’s funny this thing called life. No matter what turmoil we are in the midst of, life has a way of moving on. We can drown in our sorrows and let life pass us by, or we deal with it the right way. What truly started that initial healing process for me was writing. I had many late nights after Landyn went to bed, where I would sit in my dark room, blank computer screen, and just type. Some I posted, others are still sitting as drafts, but it was therapy. It was an emotional purge and there was nothing more freeing than speaking your hearts desire without needing the approval of others. It was hard to be vulnerable and put my story out there, but I knew being transparent through this whole process was the only way to be true to myself. I wanted my community to know the real me without feeling sorry for me. I think by focusing on the good, I was able to steer clear of the pity.
Eventually, I was able to unravel my reality and realize that no situation is ideal. We all face storms in life, and it’s how we handle it, that will determine the outcome. I began to accept my life, and started to feel more confident than I ever did in my marriage. I gradually regained my independence and proved to myself that yes, I can do this. I opened myself up to change. I met new people, embarked on new experiences, created a new life. I trusted that there was a plan in all of this, and things would come together full circle for good. I now know what I want, and it will be all things beautiful.
LeeLaLa is on: