How Yoga Changed my Life

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I’m not a gym going kind of girl. Besides hearing the phrase “it goes by so fast”, one of the phrases I hear quite often as a Mom is “how do you stay so fit”. I always smile graciously and credit it to living a healthy lifestyle, but for me personally I think it comes down to genes. Thanks Mom and Dad. I enjoy my sweets and I drink entirely too much Diet Pepsi. Hey, I’m working on it.

With that being said, I am not out trying to loose weight. Sure I’d love to tone and there is ALWAYS room for improvement, but the gym is practically torture for me. I’ve learned over the past few months though, that breathing and exercise are two of the best ways to combat anxiety. I remembering rolling my eyes and expecting some sort of quick fix when my therapist told me that for the first time. I wondered why I came into her office each week not seeing improvement… I wasn’t doing my part.

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IMG_8603-.jpgtop c/o Albion Fit // capris: Fabletics // tennis shoes: Nike (similar here) // watch: Michael Kors 

I noticed a friend of mine going to YogaWorks near my house, so I started to do some research. The more I investigated, the more I realized that Yoga was EXACTLY what I needed. Meditation, relaxation, getting in touch with your inner self, working on strength and balance, staying committed to myself, and most importantly, breathing.

I went down to the studio and signed up immediately. It’s been a game changer you guys. With the hustle and bustle of everyday life, taking time out of my day to meditate and do some deep breathing was just not in my cards. I needed to be put in that zen like atmosphere where it was practically forced for me to get to that place. When I walk in that studio, I am able to close the door on the stresses of the outside world and just focus on me. It’s therapy.

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The world isn’t easy. We are all fighting a hard battle. No matter where your struggles lie, know that there is something out there to help combat it. I have felt so alone in my anxiety for YEARS, but the more I find ways to work through it, the more I learn about myself in the process. I know what works for me and what doesn’t. I know the big things to avoid and the little ones too. I am more opt to speak my mind and deal with problems as they arise which has been huge for me. I started making a gratitude journal that I write in daily of all the things I am thankful for. Positive self thoughts make all the difference. I even got Landyn involved in yoga. My yoga studio has family yoga where your kids come and learn the fundamentals. Landyn busts out the downward dog position like its her job. Had I known at a young age how to really BREATHE, a lot of my anxiety would have been alleviated. A calm mommy is a calm child. It’s SO important. If you can’t get into a Yoga studio, do breathing exercises at home. Watch uTube videos, get a group of friends together and form your own group at the park. Work with what you have.

I tell you this because I believe there needs to be more knowledge on natural ways to combat anxious feelings. I am a work in progress and still have anxious days, but I take them as they come. It’s a one day at a time deal. Take them as they come.

Are there any other Yogi’s out there? I would love to hear from you.

 

For you Dad…

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As a child, I was a total mommy’s girl. I never wanted to leave my mom’s side. My parents split when I was in the second grade, and I remember the attachment to my mom only intensifying. Ironically enough, some of my favorite childhood memories were spent at my Dad’s house. I remember trips to Sea World, camping, Big Bear, lake trips, days at my Dad’s movie set, mornings spent at Paint Pals and Discovery Zone, pool parties, and Eggo waffles for breakfast… all happy things. So I look back and wonder why I had such bad separation anxiety from my Mom. You look back on pictures of me from age 7-12 and I was likely crying or had red eyes. It’s something now, that my Dad and I laugh about.

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Somewhere during my high school years, my Dad became my hero. The guy that saved me from my crazy, lost self. The one that took me (and my best friend) in when we had no place to go, no questions asked. The guy that funded my many privileges, even when I was less than deserving. The guy that loved me when I was not very lovable. The one that cried happy tears when I told him he was going to be a Grandpa and watched me get married all in the same month. The guy at my bedside minutes after delivering Landyn with flowers in hand. The one that spoils my sister and I with an all expenses paid trip to Hawaii for a week. The one that saved me from an unhealthy marriage and helped Landyn and I get on our feet. The guy that has a soft side and has cried with me before. The one that makes me laugh harder than anyone can. The guy that is a “guy’s guy” yet ended up with 2 daughters and a grand daughter.

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I love you Dad. You are my hero, and I owe it all to you.

And to all those who have lost their Dad, who don’t have a father figure in their lives, and too all the single mom’s that play both roles, you are in my thoughts today. For me, I am counting my blessings.

Lindsay

On fear

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photo credit: Bows & Arrow Photography

I’ve come to realize that fear is something I struggle with. Fear of the unknown. Fear of death. Fear of what other people think. I was sitting outside yesterday afternoon watching Landyn play and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am so blessed. I have my health. I have a beautiful home. I get to be home everyday to watch my daughter grow up. I don’t have a boss to answer too. I have the most supportive boyfriend that loves me unconditionally and makes me a better person with each passing day. I have parents that people only wish for. So if I have so many blessings in my life, why the hell do I let fear hold me down? Why do I let it rob me of joy? Why can’t I live in the present and trust goodness for my life?

I truly believe that the only way to have complete peace in your life it to have a relationship with God. Me and religion comes in waves. I believe, but I am disconnected. I want to find my place in a church, but I am not sure where I fit in. Some of the people I admire most in this life are Godly women. They radiate joy and peace. Their inner beauty shines through. I envy them truly. I wish I could be half the women they are.

I tend to convince myself that I am the only person on this earth that suffers from panic attacks. That I am the only single mother entrepreneur trying to provide for her and her daughter. Should I go back to the corporate world so I “appear” more stable? That I am screwing up as a mother. That because I am a single mom I need to compensate elsewhere by being super model skinny or financially successful.

Where do you draw the line? When is enough enough? I waste so much time talking myself down from fear and worry. I know exactly how to calm myself and the power of breathing and exercise. So why does this stuff continue to paralyze? Why can’t I let up on myself?

I wish I could end this post with all the answers. But the reality is, I have none. I think this is why I have been so distant from this space. If I am going to share, I believe I must have some sort of resolution. I know people out there struggle with similar feelings and want answers. I know that the 30,000 page views a month aren’t just strangers. They are family, friends, acquaintances at my daughters preschool and dance class, my boyfriends family and friends. I fear appearing weak in their eyes. Blogging can be a very vulnerable place. And because of that I wonder at what point will I close the book all together. Do I want to embark on this next chapter of life and let the world in on it too?

For now, I am going to come here and just let my raw emotions unfold. Sometimes my thoughts might be jumbled or sentences won’t be complete. I apologize in advance. Maybe I’ll throw a cuss word in here and there. But I’m working on being more open about my fears because they are real and we all struggle with them.

Why isn’t it the things worth saying that we are most afraid of?

xo

One Year Together: J+L

A year ago today, my world became a little bit sweeter when this guy and I made things “official”.

I could get all mushy on you but I’m going to keep things simple. I will say though, that I am the happiest I’ve ever been and thank God everyday that things worked out the way they did.

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 My best friend.

My rock.

My hearts keeper.

He makes me laugh harder than anyone can.

This man takes me right where I am at and loves me big, flaws and all.

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Cheers to us and many more years of HAPPY.

I love you Josh Baltimore. You have me for as long as you’ll keep me.

xo