We are ENGAGED!!

IMG_6452

My week took a VERY unexpected turn.

Thursday afternoon, Josh took me to lunch in Malibu where our story first began. The spot of our first date, where we shared our first kiss. He got down on one knee, got as sappy as I’ve ever seen him, and with four words, gave me my happily ever after. I knew from the first time we met, he was different from the rest, and with time proved that our gut doesn’t lie.

Josh is my forever and I am so excited to announce that we are ENGAGED!!

IMG_6464

The past 4 days have been a complete whirlwind. Life has come to a hault as I let it all sink in. I’m soaking up every feeling, every touch, every word of love and encouragement. I am on a high and I never want it to end.

 I’m engaged to a man that makes me a better version of myself. A man that stretches me to be better, challenges me, loves me unconditionally, and most importantly loves my daughter like his own.

I came across this post today, when I first introduced you to Josh, and my words couldn’t be more spot on from the start:

“I’ll never forget our first date…The minute our eyes met as I walked towards him standing up against his truck to greet me. The smile he flashed me. Our first hug and me realizing how attractive 6’3″ is. The smell of his cologne. The black peacoat he wore to impress me with his sense of style that I haven’t seen since. Him opening the car door for me, and every door there after. Effortless conversation. The way he made me laugh. The way he looked at me. The way his hand fit perfectly in mine. Our first kiss”.

IMG_6446

I’m on cloud nine.

……

Landyn came home from a week away at her Dad’s and Josh and I knew exactly how we wanted to share the news with her. Josh gifted her with a special pearl necklace and asked her permission to marry “Mommy”. She of course answered with “YES, I want a sister”. She followed it up with a “Joshy is the best, we love him” and the biggest hug and kiss her little body could give him. My heart became mush and just like that, the past 5 years became clear as day.

It feels so good to be in it for the right reasons. To do things the way I always envisioned for my life. I get the opportunity to have my Dad walk me down the aisle for the first time and ball my eyes out as we have our father/daughter dance. To have my best friends and my sister as my bridesmaids and dress shop with my Mom. To be surrounded by 100 of our closest friends and family as we promise each other ‘till death do us part. And to have my baby girl by my side through it all. It feels good.

I’ve waited a long time for this and I am thanking GOD for the detour life gave me. I finally got it right.

Thank you all for your love and encouragement across the social media board this past weekend. We have read every single comment and from the bottom of our hearts, thank you.

IMG_6450

Let the wedding planning begin!!!

I love you Josh Baltimore. I can’t wait to become your wife.

First Day Of Preschool



Today was a big day in our little house.

Landyn started her first day of preschool.

I’ve been preparing myself for this day, since the first time I laid eyes on her that early August morning.

I knew from the moment we decided I was going to be a stay at home momma, that letting go would be, well, difficult.

So difficult that I couldn’t make the final decision until Friday of last week. I kept telling myself preschool was optional and I should soak up these last two years before kindergarten. But I felt pressure. Pressure from family. Pressure from friends. If I’ve learned one thing this past year though, it’s trust your gut. Listen to that little voice in your head because it doesn’t lie. And it seemed as though sending Landyn to preschool was the right thing to do. So her dad and I teamed together and decided it was time to let Landyn spread her wings and grow. And grow she did.

 Chris and I decided to create the most nomalcy we could, and took our curly haired, bright eyed, smiley faced, red backpack wearing girl to her first day of school, together.

Tears were shed today (from me, not her). In fact I’m choked up sitting her typing this. But this is all healthy. Growth is healthy and happens most when we stretch ourselves and do hard things. I marvel at how far we’ve come in just one year and the healing that has happened to our hearts. 

This got me thinking. While we are worlds different, we do share the unconditional love of a little girl. We are very aware of our situation and strive to never let Landyn suffer the repercussions of our differences.  We will never let her feel as though her family is different, but rather teach her that every family is unique in their own way.

And you want to know something? Day one was a success. She didn’t even shed a tear.

Does this mommyhood thing EVER get easier?

My Story: Part II, Beyond the Picket Fence

 If you haven’t read part I, start here.

They say time heals. With every passing day, with every tick of that clock, wounds heal, and happy falls into place. Rewind to December 2011, and I wouldn’t have believed you. I was in the beginning stages of a divorce and certain I would never make it out alive. I felt emotions I’ve never felt. Pain I never knew. I lived for the moment and felt like I was drowning.

I would be lying if I told you the past six months have been easy. The reality is that we are all writing our stories, and have choices in life.  We can let the pain swallow us alive, or we can let it fuel us and turn our negative circumstances into triumph. I have decided to take the latter.

I wasn’t always so optimistic though. Initially, I beat myself up over where I went wrong. I took all the blame. I bargained with him and myself. I isolated myself from the world. I sought counseling and entrusted in the advice of family and friends, because it seemed like the natural thing to do. I was being ripped in a million different directions and at the mercy of everyone but myself. The pain I felt during this time is truly indescribable, and will resonate with me for the rest of my days. In no way do I ever wish to put myself, or my child(ren) in such chaos again. In no way will I ever cut myself short or go into a marriage without having my whole heart in it for the long haul.

It’s funny this thing called life. No matter what turmoil we are in the midst of, life has a way of moving on. We can drown in our sorrows and let life pass us by, or we deal with it the right way. What truly started that initial healing process for me was writing. I had many late nights after Landyn went to bed, where I would sit in my dark room, blank computer screen, and just type. Some I posted, others are still sitting as drafts, but it was therapy. It was an emotional purge and there was nothing more freeing than speaking your hearts desire without needing the approval of others. It was hard to be vulnerable and put my story out there, but I knew being transparent through this whole process was the only way to be true to myself. I wanted my community to know the real me without feeling sorry for me.  I think by focusing on the good, I was able to steer clear of the pity.

Eventually, I was able to unravel my reality and realize that no situation is ideal. We all face storms in life, and it’s how we handle it, that will determine the outcome. I began to accept my life, and started to feel more confident than I ever did in my marriage. I gradually regained my independence and proved to myself that yes, I can do this. I opened myself up to change. I met new people, embarked on new experiences, created a new life. I trusted that there was a plan in all of this, and things would come together full circle for good. I now know what I want, and it will be all things beautiful.

As unconfortable as being a single parent can be, I can honestly tell you that if you have patience and remain true to yourself, you will come around to the other side, and marvel at how far you have come. It’s hard to navigate life when you are in the midst of hardship. It’s hard to see good, when you drowning in pain. But what I can promise you, is once you look beyond the constricting labels society puts on the “perfect family”, you will find what is perfect for you waiting right around the corner. I know because it happened to me.
{via here}

LeeLaLa is on:

Facebook | Bloglovin’ | Twitter | Instagram

Name Change after Divorce (your questions answered)

I’ve been receiving a steady flow of the same question, so I feel it was time to address the issue.

{if you are new here, start here}

As a result of my divorce, will I be going back to my maiden name “Roberts”, and will my blog name be changed as well?

Yes and No.

To me, I have always been Lindsay Nicole Roberts.

It’s on my birth certificate.

It’s my identity.

A marriage may have changed that legally, but I always knew what defined me.

Even 3 years after marriage, I still had trouble refering to myself as Lindsay Lee.

{enter the blank stares and confusion here}

I’ll never forgot the day I went to social security to make the change (and boy was that a daunting task).

I truly felt like a part of me died. CRAZY, I know, but so very symbolic of where I was at in my decision.

I spent 25 years as Lindsay Roberts. I had been writing that name since I was in kindergarden. I made a name for myself. It’s who I am.

For a brief moment in time I thought about keeping “Lee” for Landyn’s sake, but then it hit me that I’d be living a false identity. I am not a Lee.

I briefly married into the name, and there is nothing I choose to hold onto from that chapter of my life.

A beautiful daughter came out of it, and it’s perfectly ok for Landyn and I to have two different last names. I feel this is a significant step in the recovery and acceptance of my divorce. I choose to get back to my roots.

Now, for the blog.

Lee La La will remain the same. I have gone back and forth with the matter and have decided that this little space right here needs to remain consistant. I have created a name for myself and that should remain in tact. To me, Lee La La is a combination of Landyn and I both. I am able to see beyond my ex’s last name. My parents middle names are both Lee. My daughter is a Lee. I’ve created a business with Lee.

I only see beautiful things.

My legal name change is in the works, so over the next few months you will begin to see that. If you follow my personal face book page, you may have noticed I already go by Lindsay Roberts. That required a simple edit and save. The rest, is a tad more complicated.

I hope this clears up some confusion.

xo

{sources 1, 2}