Being a Mommy to THREE

A lot has changed since my old blogging days. I went from one kid, to a full blown circus. And while I miss that extra “ME” time one child allows for, I wouldn’t trade being a mommy to THREE for a minute.

There are many days that my sanity is compromised. By 5:00, I am ready for a tall glass of wine or a SOLO Target run, because we all know that is pretty much heaven on earth. But seriously, the minute I step out, just me, I miss my littles back home. It’s like a part of me is missing. The constant whining and crying, temper tantrums, diaper changing, spit up covered shirts, bottle making, endless loads of laundry, homework helping, taxi driving, boo boo fixing, juggling act becomes your identity. And you embrace that.

Adult conversations become a rarity and are broken between the chaos. Friendships become more about quality and less about quantity. I can count my best girlfriends on one hand and each of them allows me so much grace.

One of the areas I struggle with most during this season is letting go of perfectionism. The past few months especially with all the remodeling we are doing in our home, I find myself falling short. We went two months without a kitchen and I was washing dishes for our family of 5 in our bathroom sink. We ate out most meals, and our pantry was a plastic bin container. Currently we are living with concrete floors until we can put in the hardwood. Nothing gives me anxiety more, then unfinished projects. I find myself apologizing to guests because my home isn’t “pinterest worthy”. Why do I do this? Why can’t I be okay with the right now?

As I am in the midst of summer vacation with my oldest, I saw this quote and it breathed new life into me. “We get 18 delicious summers with our children. This is one of your 18”. If thats not perspective, I don’t know what is.

We will never get this day back. Tomorrow our children will be a little older. I am trying so hard to embrace the crazy that is right now. To simplify. To say no to more things. To prioritize. To put my phone down and be present. Right now I am in the trenches. Life with three kids kicks my butt. But I know if I blink, I will miss it. So for now, I am taking it day by day. I am giving myself more credit and  only doing what allows. Because, a clean house is over rated.

 

March 13, 2015

We have a DATE and VENUE.

On March 13, 2015, Josh and I are GETTING MARRIED in Malibu, California.

I couldn’t be more excited to marry my best friend.

final2

IMG_5325-

IMG_5245-

This entire process has been completely surreal and something I’ve dreamed of since I was a little girl. Stepping into wedding gowns, picking colors, choosing my best girls to be by my side, interviewing vendors to create our picture perfect day, planning our life as husband and wife. An extra bonus to this whole journey is getting to share it with my sweet girl Landyn. She is so excited for “our wedding”. There is nothing better.

I’ll share more details as we finalize more. You can follow my Pinterest wedding board “Becoming Mrs. Baltimore” to see my inspiration for our “rustic glam” themed wedding.

It’s been years of up’s and down’s for me and I couldn’t feel more confident about Josh and I’s future. I’m SO excited to close my chapter on “life as a single mom” and embark on this journey as one. Life has been good to me.

On Co-parenting

I am always in awe when I see two set of parents, no longer together, that can be friends.

You always want what you can’t have, and for me, this is most definitely something I strive for.

Even if it’s only a “you are doing a good job in my eyes”, or “Landyn is okay, feel free to call her whenever”, or “I noticed she is having a hard time, let’s talk about that”.

Basic communication and respect as her parents. Seems painless right?

IMG_8294-.jpg

IMG_8303-.jpg

 When I sit down and think about my expectations for my co-parenting relationship, I realize it will always be a revolving door. You see, it would be so easy to keep things black and white. But divorce is so far from that. Divorce is a million shades of grey. There are good days and bad. Peace and anger. Influences you have no control of. I’ve hurt and been hurt. We are human. But the reality is, we both found happiness on the other side of it all at Landyn’s expense. That’s the part that gets me.

IMG_8310-.jpg

IMG_8291-.jpg

All I know is every other weekend I send my girl off to her Dad’s, my entire world becomes void. Is she ok? Did she eat lunch and get to bed on time? Is she happy or sad? Does she miss me as much as I miss her? My heart skips beats and my breathing gets heavy. The entire situation consumes my existence. I feel like I’m being robbed of being a mom 100% of the time. It’s not what I signed up for.

IMG_8269-.jpg

Chris and I have had a few good conversations over the years. The ones that I leave feeling full and good about our role as parents. But every time, the 50 million shades of grey get in the way. And I am left disappointed for my baby girl.

IMG_8275-.jpgLandyn’s dress c/o Elk Dresses // headband c/o Vintage Rose Wraps // sandals: Target

I struggle with these raw posts. Every time I write them, I feel like I have to hold back so much. This is a day by day situation and I am really doing my best without letting it completely consume my life. I hope one day the revolving doors will bring me more clarity. In the meantime I have so much to be grateful for, as this is only a slice of my reality. Landyn and I have a beautiful life that we would not have been given otherwise. My girl is strong, and confident, and funny, and loving. She’s creative and wise beyond her years. She has two families that love her very much and that is something that will never be compromised.

I challenge you to hug a single parent today. Hands down the hardest job out there. All YOU rocking it are my heros. xo

Paper Doll Clothing Company

It’s been three months since I took the plunge and unveiled my very own clothing line. 3 whole months. We’ve really worked on getting the word out and it’s been such a joy seeing our customers, brand reps, friends and family all in our line.

So today I just wanted to share some pictures of our line in action. Seeing these makes me beam. Thank you to ALL of you that have made Paper Doll possible.

image.jpg

10171916_640039939377950_7493948327415994414_n

_MG_0237ed 10.09.27 AMAs seen on Casey Wiegand cuties Apple and Ainleigh 

10257885_648194895229121_1540910993536271977_n.jpg

IMG_8138-.jpgYours truly and my little miss…

IMG_8247-.jpg

10464150_660124237369520_7632364827864452938_n

10300647_663088753739735_1627549874356450421_n

10330438_650309138351030_1654982298660033098_n

1939708_643107565737854_8401328561212441765_n

1981916_627152070666737_6578149370792047601_n

10517969_832760820075563_3597142131362522395_nAs seen on Lisa Leonard 

Processed with VSCOcam with s1 preset

10246406_660387977343146_8911389165162846741_n

10154422_636707686377842_1189192064598398964_nAs seen on Little Miss Momma cuties Wesley and Sawyer

10174954_631547690227175_3090765825816554416_nAs seen on The Shine Project cuties

10441444_650688428313101_41369579926059687_n

10478857_659864814062129_5694895229323995417_n

10153256_629110623804215_7078518144730470605_n.jpgAs seen on the In Honor of Design family 

10311842_659649674083643_9157521682828086504_n

Feeling so blessed. As a thank you enjoy FREE SHIPPING on all purchases until tomorrow at midnight. We are extending our 4th of July sale.

xoxo

…..

 Stay up to date with the latest releases, sales, and fun:

Shop / Facebook / Instagram