We celebrate halves…

It’s no secret that Landyn and I love this guy…

So we will celebrate this man any chance we get.

Today is Josh and I’s year and a half “dating anniversary”, so I had to write a little something…

(because halves deserve to be celebrated) 

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 Thank you for being the reason I smile and treating my baby girl like your own. How lucky she is to have you as her example. You are my rock, my encouragement, and always believe in my crazy dreams.

Something tells me I’m going to love you forever.

xo

Lindsay

One Year Together: J+L

A year ago today, my world became a little bit sweeter when this guy and I made things “official”.

I could get all mushy on you but I’m going to keep things simple. I will say though, that I am the happiest I’ve ever been and thank God everyday that things worked out the way they did.

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 My best friend.

My rock.

My hearts keeper.

He makes me laugh harder than anyone can.

This man takes me right where I am at and loves me big, flaws and all.

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Cheers to us and many more years of HAPPY.

I love you Josh Baltimore. You have me for as long as you’ll keep me.

xo

5 years later

Death is a concept, I am not sure I will ever fully grasp.

While there is nothing more certain to life, it’s easy to shun the idea until we are forced to meet it head on.

 Never before have I felt the multitude of emotions, as I did the day we lost Jonny.

May 27, 2007,  I lost a dear friend in a car accident. 

{You may recall my post on footprints}.

They say time heals, but I can promise you 5 years later, it feels no different. The pain still cuts deep.

I remember the smell in the air. I remember the phone call that he had gone missing. I remember the desperation as we physically combed the canyons searching, calling his name.  I remember Fergie’s “Big Girls Don’t Cry” constantly echoing in the background. I remember exactly where I was when I received the news. I remember complete denial. I remember sobbing.

While I believe in heaven, and I have no doubt that the angels have been rejoicing since Jonny entered their kingdom, it still doesn’t make perfect sense.

Ecclesiastes 3:2  tells us… there is a time to be born, and a time to die. 

And while that is a beautiful truth, it doesn’t seem fair that a perfect life would be cut short.

Visiting Jonny’s grave site yesterday with his beautiful Momma, was the perfect healing. It allowed me to revisit these emotions of 5 years ago, and truly feel the pain from the depths of my soul. While I definetely grieved his untimely death, I am not sure I fully dealt with it. At the time, I wanted so badly to block it from my mind, for my reality seemed far to threatening. And while not a day has gone by that I have not thought of him, I knew when I was ready, I would go there.

I believe it took me being in my present situation, to truly see how much work I have to do on myself. It is so freeing to revisit past hurts, and deal with them the right way. Looking back, it’s been so easy to run to mom and dad and be handed a “get out of life free” card.

But once YOUR a momma, and have no choice but to be an adult, you quickly learn to DEAL with it.

All people experience different magnitutes of pain in their lives. I’m learning (slowly), to be moved by the pain. Embrace it and let the current move you. Jonny’s greatest philosophy was “fear is an illusion”. He always allowed himself to feel the pain of what he feared, and be transformed by it. He never let fear stop him from chasing his dreams. If we are brought to it, we will be brought thru it. I strive to carry Jonny’s legacy in my heart everyday. I strive to have more fearlessness in my life. I challenge myself to see outside my comfort zone. Always see outside the box.

While loosing someone so close to me, will never perfect sense, I can see the work it has done in me, and see some good in that. 5 years later, I can still hear Jonny’s voice, his quarky sayings, I can remember his smell. That never goes away. I can stop myself in my tracks when I’ve faced a fork in the road, and hear him whisper the right way to me. While the little “triggers” used to throw me over the edge, I can now thank God that I was blessed to know such a beautiful soul that is still with me, 5 years later. That is a gift.

And I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket  
But I’ve got to get a move on with my life  
  It’s time to be a big girl now  
   And big girls don’t cry
-Fergie
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I love you Jonny! Always have, always will. We miss you more than words will ever describe.

 

Our weekend away

This past weekend, Chris and I spent our first weekend away, since having Landyn, to celebrate our wedding anniversary! I was a nervous wreck to leave our littlest one but I survived and so did she. We stayed in La Jolla, CA which is a part of San Diego, CA. The weather was perfect and we had a relaxing stay. Saturday was spent with breakfast at the beach, a walk in the sand, pedicures (yes, Chris got his first pedi and he promised me I wouldn’t tell ANYONE), wine tasting, a couples massage, laying out at the pool, and then a sushi date. It was a day of indulgence and could not have been more well spent. It was nice to have the time together and strengthen our bond.