I have edited this post quite a few times in hopes that I say all the right things and protect everyone involved. I walk a fine line with this subject and while I love sharing my story with you all, I always try my best to write with that in mind.
It’s been awhile since I did an update on the “time shared” aspect of our lives. I know there are some of you that are living, or have lived, a situation similar. I also know that my transparency in my experience with divorce, custody, and single parenting offers hope and support to some of you. Truly, this is therapy for all of us.
A lot has changed since I wrote last. At the beginning of 2012, a 50/50 custody split became my reality. Half the time with her dad. Half with me. It was heartbreaking as a mom to give up half of her. Up until that point I was present for every milestone, every minute to her day, and suddenly some outsider was going to tell me what was in her best interest. I think the hardest part for me has always been putting my trust into someone that I never fully trusted to begin with. A year and a half later, and I still struggle with the same things. Just less of the time.
The custody schedule quickly worked it’s way into my favor. And while I’ll never publicly express my opinions on him as a father, I’ll be transparent on the current state of things. I’ve learned over the past two years that what goes on during his watch is completely out of my control. All I can do is my part and fill in the gaps the best I can. The past two years have been spent fine tuning Landyn and I’s life. I’m more cautious. I ask questions. I stand up for myself. I speak up. I deal with things as they happen. I think ahead. I validate. I’m honest with myself.
I’m not saying any of this comes without drawbacks. Do I worry about the health of that father/daughter relationship? Absolutely. Does the time she does spend away from me still prove to be a struggle? 3 days of complete pit in my stomach anxiety. Does being a one parent show day in and day out become exhausting. Without a doubt but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Do I second guess myself and wonder if I am covering all the bases with her because no one else will? Definitely. I am working through all of these things as they are constantly swirling around in my head. I am not sure if I will ever be completely okay with any of it.
It’s so easy to paint a perfect picture of our life through all the social media channels. I’ve been told I do that well. But the reality is no situation is perfect. Josh and I both give and take. There’s nights that this is the topic of our conversation and he listens to me vent. But I think the openness we share as a couple is what strengthens our bond and makes us work. He’s exactly what I need. His patience. His support. His dedication. Life currently has me feeling so incredibly blessed. I’m an advocate for anyone struggling in a bad situation to FIND YOUR HAPPINESS. It’s there I promise you. There may be times of struggle, but always stand up for yourself and do what is best for you.
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Shirley says09.11.13 at 12:39 am
I hope everything is working out the best it can. Always carry God in your heart and you will be okay. God Bless!
lindsay roberts says09.12.13 at 1:30 pm
Thank you Shirley! Your always so sweet to us!
Christen Dobbs says09.11.13 at 5:44 pm
That is wonderful. You definitely do a good job of sharing just the right amount. I’m so glad you’ve been able to make it through your struggle and find happiness!
lindsay roberts says09.12.13 at 1:30 pm
Thank you Christen!! Appreciate that 🙂
Ronni says09.16.13 at 9:14 pm
I think you’re doing great, and I envy that you get so much time with your darling little one.
Aidan lives with his father most of the year. I get him summers and vacations.
It’s so hard, but years ago, I wasn’t mentally or financially capable of caring for him like he deserved.
Now, he asks if he can come live with me. I want him to. How do I even bring it up to his father without causing a lot of drama?
I feel like people are judging me every day because my son doesn’t live with me. *I* judge me every day because of it. What kind of mother am I? I know people think I abandoned him for Adam, but that wasn’t the case at all.
Aidan’s doing well. You’d be surprised at how well kids adjust to things. And how perceptive they are. I am not giving up hope that Aidan will be with me, now that I am in a much better place and can give him everything he needs now.
I see how happy your little one is. Again, you’d be surprised at how quickly they adjust to things. As long as you, and her dad, shows her unconditional love, as long as you all keep acting in her best interest, I think she’ll be OK.
nicole neesby says09.17.13 at 12:09 am
you brave sweet girl. praying for your heart to be full of peace. i am sure you are helping so many other girls by sharing so honestly. big hugs to you.
i found your blog tonight via caseyleigh’s linkup. happy tuesday, friend!