Do you ever find that life comes in waves? As though it’s a continuous flow of circumstances that is ever changing. It’s good times and bad, lessons, experiences, triumphs. It’s never knowing what tomorrow will hold. These waves last for a period of time, and then slip away. The tide changes and whole new wave crashes up to shore.
I haven’t gotten very personal about my struggle with anxiety for awhile but it’s definitely something that I still battle. For me it’s something that comes and goes depending on the current. I read this post last week and it really put into perspective my tendency to hide from my anxiety because sometimes facing it is to painful. My pride gets in the way and as a momma, we never want to appear weak. We always want to appear as though we have it all figured out but the reality is sometimes we don’t and that is perfectly okay.
Our minds are a powerful thing. We can convince ourselves of pretty much anything. I go through times when I worry about my health and that of those around me. I think about death and imagining my life without the rocks in my life. I worry about car accidents, and Josh flying for business, and being home alone. I think about Landyn and if she’d be ok if something were to ever happen to me… my mind goes there.
Yesterday my mom and I drove down to see my sister and I just laid it all on her. My fears, my struggles, my dreams. I shared with her my goals for tomorrow and where I see myself in 6 months, a year, 5 years from now. She first told me that I was smart because I was thinking ahead and being cautious, but then she reminded me to “let it all go because worrying doesn’t change the outcome”.
Let it all go Lindsay.
headband: Queen Bee Barrette
There is still so many things I want to accomplish in this life. I don’t want to be afraid to take risks. I want to grow my family and build my life around what matters most. I want to be a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend and forever protect everyone in my circle. But the reality is somethings are out of my control. What is in my control is living in joy and finding outlets and ways of dealing with my fear and anxiety. It’s a work in progress you guys. It’s a battle between me and my brain and not allowing myself to go there. It’s trusting the process, knowing the tides are ever changing, and being able to smack fear dead in the face.
“Every day we experience the uncertainty, risks, and emotional exposure that define what it means to be vulnerable, or to dare greatly. Whether the arena is a new relationship, an important meeting, our creative process, or a difficult family conversation, we must find the courage to walk into vulnerability and engage with our whole hearts”. –Brene Brown, Daring Greatly
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Alli says
08.18.13 at 6:44 pmI got chills reading this post! I totally know how you feel and deal with anxiety as well. It’s a struggle but I’m working on letting it go and letting it be. Thanks for sharing your heart. xoxo
Lindsay says
08.22.13 at 6:52 amThank YOU Alli for your kind words. One day at a time 🙂
Kimmie says
08.18.13 at 6:53 pmSending you my love and praying for you! You are a gem- so beautiful inside and out. <3
Ronni says
08.18.13 at 9:46 pmI hear ya on these things. The older I get, the more I start to think about my own mortality, and it kind of freaks me out. I think the anxiety is normal, and you’ve been through so much already. Your mind is probably comfortable there.
Letting go is much easier in theory than in practice, but if you find those delicious moments where you CAN let go… where you’re living in the moment, embrace them.
You’ve got this, mama. *hugs*
Lindsay says
08.22.13 at 6:53 amThank you sweet Roni! I always appreciate your sweet words 🙂 Making me smile today! xx
Candice says
08.19.13 at 7:45 amI use to get horrible anxiety attacks. Honestly, I was probably the most stressed out, high strung person in the world. It was awful. My husband is seriously my saving grace on that one. He is the most laid back person in the world and that has really helped to balance me out and make me realize that it’s ok to slow down and not sweat the small stuff. 🙂
Lindsay says
08.22.13 at 6:54 amAMEN for laid back people right? I got one of them too… god sent! Thanks for always stopping by. Adore you friend. xx
Shirley says
08.19.13 at 12:39 pmAs the little fishie says, “Keep on swiming, Keep on swimming”.
Lindsay says
08.22.13 at 6:54 amThank you sweet Shirley! HUGS sent your way.
Chelsie says
08.19.13 at 3:43 pmHey Linds! I really respect you for this post, though i’ve respected you since high school! lol
It takes guts and a real desire for introspection to not only singularly breach the subject of anxiety within yourself, but to then be so open about it. I admire that. you and your little girl are ALWAYS welcome in Chicago. We have plenty of room- so don’t be anxious about that!! sorry. bad joke.
xoxo
fellow Regent 2001 yeah 2001 yeah!
Niki says
08.21.13 at 5:08 pmI am right there with you, girl. I get the same waves, the same anxious feelings and thoughts… It’s a constant battle. Definitely know that you are not alone!
Lindsay says
08.22.13 at 6:55 amAlways helps to know Im not the ONLY one 🙂 Thanks for popping in! Hope your having a great week pretty friend. xx
Jess says
08.22.13 at 8:56 pm“We can convince ourselves of pretty much anything.” Oh girl, I hear you. How many time I have believed lies and convinced myself of something so untrue. Something that just caused so much fear in my heart. Thank you for being so open and honest, you are not alone.
Lindsay says
08.23.13 at 2:56 pmThank you Jess! Love that you stopped by. HUGS friend.
Mallory says
08.22.13 at 10:03 pmThis is one of the many reasons why I gravitate to your blog time and time again. I’m glad I’m not alone in my worries, struggles, and the direction my mind takes. Isn’t have Mom’s like ours wonderful???
Lindsay says
08.23.13 at 2:56 pmI adore you Mallory. SO glad I met you through this world 🙂 xx